Wednesday, May 1, 2013

12. Avoiding All Social Interaction

So, I've written about social anxiety and my awkwardness and all that good stuff, but I have not said anything about pretty much avoiding any and all social interaction. I have a select group of people that I'm willing to talk to, and even then I still feel really uncomfortable. Sometimes I just start talking to someone and I don't even know what I'm saying, I just talk. That's probably the worst thing about me. I have all these lines in my head, like there's someone up there writing what I need to say, and sadly that person isn't John Green. I always want to say something meaningful that will make someone respect me, but every time I try the person I'm talking to is just like "Haha.... what?" and it's all awkward because I don't know what to say. If I ever have to stand up in class for any reason I just feel like I need to get out of everyone's view before someone says something to me. Whenever I go to the store, for any reason, I give my money to my mom or my friend or whoever I'm with so I don't have to interact with the cashier. I can't tell you how many times I was so close to complimenting someone and then I didn't because SOCIAL INTERACTION. And then I feel horrible because I know if someone compliments me it can turn my whole day around. What if that person I didn't compliment went home and killed themselves? What if my compliment made them hang on for one more day and then things turned around for them? I'm not even kidding, this is what goes through my mind every day. But then I realize that I couldn't mean that much to a random stranger, so I just stay quiet. It's also kind of like that when my one friend in a class isn't there and my almost friend that sits across from me is trying to talk to me. Part of me wants to talk to them, but SOCIAL INTERACTION. Sometimes I just say quiet, but then people start asking me what's wrong and won't take "Nothing" for an answer. So I talk and pretend like I carry on comfortable conversations with people all the time, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

Story Cover

Story Cover

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

11. Warped Tour & Clipping

So, as you may know, I have an obsession with the Vans Warped Tour. If you don't know what that is you can go do some research and learn all you want to know. I went to my first Warped last year (2012 for those who may not know...) and I had the time of my life. I'd wanted to go since I was eight years old, and four years later I finally got to. I was a Warped Newbie and was kind of scared of the idea, but after a couple hours and witnessing countless moshes, I got the hang of it. The bad thing is that I've started listening to a lot more bands this past year, and a lot of them are going to be one Warped. Keep in mind, each tour date is ONE DAY. From 11:00 a.m. to about 10:00 p.m. I don't know if I'm going to have enough time for everything I want to see, but hopefully they'll space everything out okay... But the part that I wanted to clip was my planned outfit for Warped. I know, that sounds crazy, but I'M A GIRL. I CAN GET AWAY WITH PLANNING MY OUTFIT 118 DAYS 14 HOURS AND 43 MINUTES BEFORE THE EVENT.
Also, sorry for the cruddy pictures - it's just what Google had to offer.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

10. Social Anxiety

Yep, I sorta kinda have a major case of social anxiety. I'm sadly awkward when I'm just sitting there or trying to talk to someone, and I only really ever talk to my main group of friends. Even when I'm walking from class to class I try not to look at anyone and just stay out of the way. Even raising my hand to answer a question in class is terrifying because I hate speaking in front of a group of people by myself. Like, preforming with a band would be fine. Speaking of preforming with bands, I met Skinny Lister last night and they just seemed to get nicer (also, go look up Dan from Skinny Lister on Google images; I'm going to freeze him in carbonite for like 11 years then I'm going to marry him, but more on that story later) and my mom told them that I learned to play Rollin' Over (one of their songs) and even the accordion part on my guitar and Lanna (the girl of the group) said that the next time they come near here we need to get in touch and I can play it with them. And I think that would be fine because I wouldn't have to speak by myself, I would get to do something I love (which is play the guitar) with a group of people who love music just as much as I do. But back on the topic of social anxiety, I've been doing some research. I told my parents that I thought I had social anxiety and apparently that would make sense, because my mom has a tiny bit of social anxiety, though it's mostly just regular anxiety. Just making it through the school day is harder than it should be. But back to last night, I realized just how comfortable I am around people just like me. But I can only find them at concerts, and then it's not like I'm gonna just start up a conversation in the middle of a mosh pit and become instant best friends. It's like I feel at home whenever I'm at a concert, and I wish it could be like that all the time. But hopefully one day I'll find my soulmate and everyday life with be as great as those occasional nights.