05. How To Properly Insult Someone

For some people, insults are not a very strong subject. For others, very creative burns just come naturally. I like to think that I'm one of the people that's in the middle; sometimes I can just pull something great out of my brain (and also sometimes the gutter) and other times I just stand there looking really awkward for a little while until finally saying "Your Mom".
Okay, I'm going to be honest. I resort to Your Mom quite often.
But that doesn't mean that I can't also come up with some great zingers to make everyone laugh.
But I'm going to give you a few tips on how to insult someone like a pro.
Because there comes a time in everyone's life where they need something to say that will 1 up the other person in the argument at hand.
1. If you think you might want to be friends with this person at some point in time, never insult them on things that are absolutely true. If you can get at least 4 people to agree with you on what you said, you're probably right. So think carefully; do you really hate this person? If you do, just get rid of your filter and have a go at their hair that may look like it was just coughed up by a goat.
2. Use big words, but not so big that they will confuse the ignorant little fugger you're absolutely demolishing in this back-and-forth.
3. Try using terms they don't know, like chav. This will really make them think, and while they're busy trying to think of what that could possibly mean they will most likely end up looking really dumb because they haven't said anything back.
4. Try to sound like you're completely calm about the whole situation, even though you and I both know you aren't. You could even throw in some Darlings or Sweeties.

So I think those are the most important tips. If those don't help you I'm very sorry, and there's probably no hope for you winning this argument.
I will try to write as much as possible this week, but I don't know how much homework I will have due to Winter Break, which starts this Friday if any of you are interested.
If you have anything you want me to talk about or you just want to say how much you love/hate the blog, you can message me on Polyvore (username is emmawillow) or email me (primary address is spookyemma@gmail.com)